The Space Between Us – February 3rd
This is clearly one of those sappy movies your girlfriend makes you see because you’ve dragged her to too many “guy” movies. I don’t see the appeal of the story. You’re wrong if you think it will be a lighthearted story of young love. You can only go so far with the whole “woah a horse whats that! woah a tree whats that!” bit. This kid is going to die unless he stays on Mars. Stay on Mars.
Rings – February 3rd
The Ring franchise terrified the shit out of me when I was a teenager and I don’t see anything changing as an adult. Did the world need this? I can definitely say NO IT DID NOT. I still have that quick scene of the girl who died in the closet with her mouth wide open moving slightly burned into my brain and it will never leave me. That’s no exaggeration, I will die with that image rattling around my brain. That being said, I will probably see this eventually. Certainly not in theaters though because I will most likely piss myself.
The Comedian – February 3rd
You know what’s bullshit? The fact that this isn’t a nationwide release. Only New York & LA. I normally only put nationwide releases in these trailer dumps but this is worthy of an exception. It’s like a throwback to the Goodfellas and Casino version of DeNiro when he had balls and threw around insults, except its based in stand-up comedy. I really don’t see how this could be bad.
John Wick: Chapter 2 – February 10th
You know how your computer puts ads on certain websites based on your browser history? My brain does the same thing with Keanu Reeves. When I see him in a movie my brain automatically tells me it sucks and I move on. Turns out I may have been mistaken because this looks like a legit action movie. I may have to watch the first one after all. I know it’s getting a lot of credit from the (very weird) action movie purists because its part of a dying genre that puts emphasis on martial art fight scenes instead of faking it with “shaky cam”. Yes shaky cam is a thing and its taking over action movies/ giving audiences nausea. You wont find it here.
Fifty Shades Darker – February 10th
It’s hard to describe how little I care about this. I’ll start by not trying.
The Lego Batman Movie – February 10th
The Lego Movie was a huge hit. Way bigger than anyone expected. The problem with it was there was no way to make a sequel that made sense because of how it ended. Actually I’m not really sure that was a problem because who gives a fuck if the Lego movie has continuity. Regardless, they decided to take the character with the biggest personality who happens to have a built-in following decades in the making and give him his own movie. Now we have Lego Batman and Lego Robin and Lego Alfred and Lego Joker AND EVERYTHING IS AWESOMEEEEEEEE
A United Kingdom – February 10th
This is another one that isn’t getting a nationwide release yet but it needs to be here. Find it and watch it asap. If that trailer doesn’t move the dial for you then you’re dead inside. You have no soul and maybe you’re a robot. Look into it.
The Great Wall – February 17th
Fun fact: Mat Damon has done some pretty shit movies. Sure he’s had a lot of success, but when you do so many movies you’re bound to strike gold a few times. He’s been in almost 70 movies in the past 20 years. That’s ABSURD. I don’t want to make assumptions but its possible he has never turned down a script in his life. Could this one be good? Hey there’s always a chance. But excuse me if I’m not on board with the super-white guy from Boston playing a samurai during the Qin Dynasty protecting China from monsters on the other side of the Great Wall.
A Cure For Wellness – February 17th
I intentionally put the teaser trailer here because it’s something special. The creepiest of the creepy. I love how its set to the lyrics of I Wanna Be Sedated with a constantly pulsing deep bass slowly taking over. All building up to the last shot which features bodies floating in tanks. Amazing. I think this trailer is what everyone else should strive to be like. It gets you absolutely HOOKED and demands your attention without giving away any details of the story. As for the movie itself? yeah I’m into it. It’s got that Shutter Island vibe and that excites me.
Fist Fight – February 17th
Dumb but probably worth renting, which is better than the typical Ice Cube movie these days which is just trash. I love Charlie but he’s treading dangerous territory here. Nobody wants to see their careers getting dragged into the dumb kid movie gutter like Ice Cube. It’s happened to some of the best. RIP Eddie Murphy, Tim Allen, & Chris Rock.
Get Out – February 24th
This is a special one. This one has something to talk about and it has nothing to do with what you just watched. It looks pretty good, kind of like a horror version of Look Who’s Coming to Dinner. The trailer leaves you with tons of questions and does a good job of sparking interest.
But the wild thing about this movie has to do with the guy who wrote it, and also directed it. It’s his debut as a director, his second time writing a movie, but most importantly it’s his first time writing anything close to horror or suspense. Whats weird is I think he actually pulled it off….