Jonah Hill showed up to the Globes looking like a kid getting fitted for his bar mitzvah suit at Macy’s.  His enthusiasm was off the charts as he posed for this prison photo on the red carpet. It’s weird, but it looks like he was about to pass out…

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If I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably because he hasn’t eaten since 2015. I just wrote a blog about how Fat Jonah Hill was back and bigger than ever in War Dogs. It’s almost like this was a giant “fuck you” directed at me despite the fact he doesn’t know I exist. I  was so ready for Fat Jonah to do some decent comedies again instead of trying like hell to be a respectable actor… know your strengths Jonah, stop fighting it. Look at this side by side:


You know what I see? On the left I see a sidekick at best. The awkward guy in the office who seems nice but is known for hitting ‘reply all’ saying thank you to whoever brought the bagels in the break room. He could be Katherine Heigl’s whipped and verbally abused husband. He’s a doormat. A nobody.

On the right is something totally different. On the right you have a presence. Someone who owns the room. He can be the aggressive over the top asshole or the lovable funny fat friend. He could be a king, a truck driver, a professor, or a veterinarian. He has range.

If Fat Jonah Hill continues to allow Skinny Jonah to pull this shit he’ll starve himself right out of work. That’s all I’m saying.