This is a good movie. Pretty good actually if you’re looking for numb enjoyment. Not good if you’re looking for a solid movie experience with strong plot development. But entertainment value through the roof. Although I did walk out of the theater with a ton of questions rattling around my head. Right away it was clear the movie and the trailer were telling two different stories… did I overlook something? or were they trying to pull one over on me.  I can’t hate on this too much because it was an obvious choice on their part not to disclose too much of the plot while still getting people excited about seeing the movie. But there are a bunch more questions… (spoilers obviously)

1- Why the hell did they pay an actor like Andy Garcia for a role like this??  I went ahead and collected every scene he was in along with ever line and compiled them into one image. This is what’s called going above and beyond for blogging: undefined.jpg

Boom. There it is. Not a single word. Only 2 seconds of screen time. An Oscar nominated resume will get you that kind of big ticket screen time. Supposedly his role was cut out of the movie, but I’m pretty sure it happened before they shot the scenes so it wasnt like an editing thing but more of a writing thing.

2- One Medical Pod. You have 5,000 passengers and 524 crew members, but you only have ONE medical pod? Come on…. you have repair parts for every single thing on board but nope! no need for extras of those things that save lives. It was painfully obvious they only had one because it set up the whole “we can put one of us to sleep but we’d rather be together forever” moment.

3- Why are we supposed to forget Chris Pratt was a dickhead.NEhvWty8mlKQlh_1_b.jpg

Because let there be no misunderstanding- He was a bad guy (the character, not Chris himself… I love Chris Pratt).. Do NOT tell me he wasnt.  He caught some bad luck and woke up 90 years early and instead of just killing himself or drinking with robots for the rest of his life he decided to wake up the hottest girl he could find and ruin her life by sentencing her to death by spaceship. Oh by the way he started banging her while she still thought it was an accident her hibernation pod malfunctioned… He wouldn’t have even told her if it weren’t for that robo-bartender blowing up his spot. HE WAS GOING TO PROPOSE! And lets not just glaze over that one… You mean to tell me he wants to commit to spending the rest of his life together with this gorgeous woman?? Oh but they’re literally the only 2 people alive for the next 89 years unless he decides he wants a best friend and wakes someone else up too. Ridiculous.

4- Whatever the fuck this was:passengers-jennifer-lawrence-chris-pratt-315632.jpg-r_1920_1080-f_jpg-q_x-xxyxx.jpg

You know what it was? He was trying to figure out how to plant a fucking tree in the middle of the concourse on a spaceship IN SPACE to win back the heart of Jennifer Lawrence… My little brain is admittedly lacking in the agricultural department, but I feel like you need sunlight, soil, and water to grow a tree. There’s very little non-artificial sunlight on this journey. I also know there’s no soil under that spot where he’s sitting. Oh and I also know that whoever draws up a plan like that to plant a tree probably doesn’t know how to plant a god damn tree.

I could go on and on about things that didn’t make sense, which is actually pretty standard for sci-fi movies. You’re supposed to go into these things with that trusty phrase “suspension of disbelief”. You have to, because if the writers took the time to make sure everything was scientifically accurate and on the up and up then you’d never get the story done… could they have looked up general physics and laws of propulsion that would have made Jennifer Lawrence’s anti-gravity swimming scene a lot less dangerous? Or maybe thought about how a large swimming pool’s worth of water crashing down from 40′ in the air might DESTROY whatever was beneath it? Sure… but suspension of disbelief. That’s on us as viewers to look past the logic and focus on the story.

I will give credit where it’s due though. One reoccurring aspect of the movie was so good, so entertaining, so enjoyable that I will actually use the words “genuinely delightful” to describe it. And that would be this guy.michael-sheen.jpg.size.custom.crop.1086x683.jpg

Micheal Sheen. Arthur the android bartender. Delightful. Maybe it was the accent mixed with witty charm, maybe it was the oddly blunt information and wisdom he shared, but it had me. Every time he came on-screen you knew it was going to be good and he never disappointed. I would’ve given this guy a nod for best supporting actor for sure if award shows recognized bad movies with great performances.

Entertainment wise, this is a great way to pass a couple of hours. Its got a love story with two gorgeous people, it’s got action and drama, and some laughs here and there. Critically its a mess with giant plot holes. It would’ve been a stronger story to focus on the odd dynamic of living the rest of your life with someone who you fell in love with only to find out they’re the sole reason you’re in this solitary death sentence in the first place. The writers needed to throw in Laurence Fishburne’s character to sloppily tie together the struggling love story and the subplot of the ship falling to pieces.

Entertainment rating: 89%

Critic rating: 65%